Day Three

Things I ate today:
Peach Yogurt and 100 calorie Granola bites

Chips and laughing cow cheese

entire spinach and Artichoke dip with Ranch dressing
Three chicken fingers and fries


Note to self, while dieting do not go to the applebees.
Tomorrow I'll be making cupcakes for English class, and if I can manage not to eat any then I'm doing ok. I'm not hungry, but food is my comfort. Food is where I turn too if I'm upset, bored, angry or even just lonely.

I think thats why I love JoAnne's house so much.. I can smoke inside which means something to do with my hands instead of eating chips or candy or whatever it is I can manage to get my hands on.
Sigh. I knew this was going to be hard, but I had no idea I was going to fail twice in a row.

Someone just get a shot vac and suck the fat out of me.

I want to take a "Before" Picture of myself as motivation.. Me in my underwear in stark light just so I can see what I really look like. Seeing it daily may make me more motivated, or may make me just want to slit my wrists and call it a life.
I don't like the way I look, I hate the way I look. I miss my cheekbones, I miss being able to see my feet. I miss being able to cross my legs.
And one day I'll get there again, but how long until that happens? Years? Months? death?

Eventually I'm going to be happier about myself.
I promise.